So yesterday I bombarded you with all the good news and today I am back to tell you all about the other side.
I am, once again, struggling with food. Some things never change and this battle of mine seems to be never-ending. Whether I am happy (which is a lot of the time now, thank goodness), sad, fulfilled, bored, tired, or emotional it seems that the first place I instinctively turn is the kitchen.
My workouts have been great, beyond great, and I am finally back to a place where I want to run and find enjoyment in doing so. Yet it feels like as soon as one aspect falls into place the other falls apart.
The worst part is that I know I am consuming more than I need. And the inner personal trainer in me is crying out with frustration. But I just don’t know how to get it under control. It is so much bigger than just not eating when I am not hungry. Obviously. If that was solved I wouldn’t be writing another frustrating post.
(source)
As a matter of fact I am not even sure why I am putting this out there. I suppose it is for the people I have met in this ‘community’ that struggle just like I do. Knowing you are out there, reading, writing about similar issues, and relating, is a comfort to me. But at the same time, this is utterly humiliating as I know for a fact co-workers and friends alike, who are not privy to the inner workings of whatever this struggle I have is called, are reading this and getting a whole different side to me that they have not yet seen.
But I am putting this out there, embarrassed or not, because it is what needs to be done. A certain level of personal accountability is necessary if I am ever going to reach my goals. Life seems to be falling into place just as I had always hoped, prayed, and imagined it would. This bit of self-sabatoge in regards to food is setting me back and thwarting my efforts to become the best possible version of myself. I hate that.
I am not sure what this all means moving forward. I have tried the food journaling, the fads, the blah, blah, blah…All I know for sure is I am sick and tired of not feeling in control and 100%. With that I am off to enjoy what I know I can still control…a nice A.M run.
Any advice?
I know how frustrating it must be to not understand the “why” of overeating, BELIEVE ME. But it really is true that acknowledgement is the first step, and simply being aware of what you’re doing goes a really long way. Chin up!
Gretchen @ Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen! recently posted..A Lofty Goal (Weigh-in)
Well I got it under control last night so I suppose that is a step in the right direction, but my God is it is a struggle.
I totally and completely understand how you’re feeling. I’m also struggling….but hoping desperately that these very very small steps that i am taking will build up into a progress.
As for advice…what I’m doing is trying to think of “transforming” my binge eating habit rather than controlling it. What I mean is that…I try to view binge eating as a part of who I am and instead of letting my self-esteem rest on keeping it under lock and key, I’m trying to show incredible love to that injured part of me by accepting it and encouraging it to express itself through better outlets like going for a short walk, taking a few deep breaths, listening to music and writing a journal entry.
It’s definitely not the easiest process, but I did find that once my mind accepted that binge eating is a part of me and that I need to heal it instead of trying to cut it out, things improved a bit.
Hang in there Jennifer! <3 <3
Patrice @ Moment To Memory recently posted..Turkey Day, The Canadian Way
Thanks for your advice. I actually really like what you wrote. I think that is a very interesting perspective to have. Changing my mentality may just be the best way to move beyond this whole thing.
I’m not going to say I know exactly what you’re going through, because no one ever truly does, but as a personal trainer myself I find myself extremely frustrated that I workout all the time, but struggle so much about being conscious of the food I out into my mouth. I’ve tried viewing food as fuel for performance, food journals, and doing the food blog thing, but I still struggle, I by no means have a weight problem, but I know a lot of the food I eat is just not healthy for me and I leave myself feeling crummy most days. Anyway, just keeping working at it, I’m right there with you continually trying to change my eating habits.
Hey Mac,
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate you taking the time to remind me that I am not the only one that feels this way. I love all things fitness but I have the exact same doubts as you. I think that is why I am not training clients right now. I just don’t feel at the top of my game.
I don’t really have any specific advice because I know you know what to do. Just know I’m here for you and support you!
Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun recently posted..Meals On Repeat & Talking Shop
Thanks Tina, I really appreciate the support!