So yesterday I bombarded you with all the good news and today I am back to tell you all about the other side.
I am, once again, struggling with food. Some things never change and this battle of mine seems to be never-ending. Whether I am happy (which is a lot of the time now, thank goodness), sad, fulfilled, bored, tired, or emotional it seems that the first place I instinctively turn is the kitchen.
My workouts have been great, beyond great, and I am finally back to a place where I want to run and find enjoyment in doing so. Yet it feels like as soon as one aspect falls into place the other falls apart.
The worst part is that I know I am consuming more than I need. And the inner personal trainer in me is crying out with frustration. But I just don’t know how to get it under control. It is so much bigger than just not eating when I am not hungry. Obviously. If that was solved I wouldn’t be writing another frustrating post.
As a matter of fact I am not even sure why I am putting this out there. I suppose it is for the people I have met in this ‘community’ that struggle just like I do. Knowing you are out there, reading, writing about similar issues, and relating, is a comfort to me. But at the same time, this is utterly humiliating as I know for a fact co-workers and friends alike, who are not privy to the inner workings of whatever this struggle I have is called, are reading this and getting a whole different side to me that they have not yet seen.
But I am putting this out there, embarrassed or not, because it is what needs to be done. A certain level of personal accountability is necessary if I am ever going to reach my goals. Life seems to be falling into place just as I had always hoped, prayed, and imagined it would. This bit of self-sabatoge in regards to food is setting me back and thwarting my efforts to become the best possible version of myself. I hate that.
I am not sure what this all means moving forward. I have tried the food journaling, the fads, the blah, blah, blah…All I know for sure is I am sick and tired of not feeling in control and 100%. With that I am off to enjoy what I know I can still control…a nice A.M run.