After work last night I dutifully reported to my Weight Watchers meeting to weigh in. With sweaty palms and a palpable amount of anticipation I lined up to face the scale.
I did everything right this week. No throwing away extra points on peanut butter Oreos (uh, no comment), no incidents of “it doesn’t matter I’ll just count this later…”no, I kept my head down and mouth shut (see what I did there?). I planned each meal, made smart choices when Josh and I went out to eat and expected to see great results.
As I mentioned (or stealthily tried to avoid mentioning rather) I was up last week. A combination of deadly factors were to blame and I knew I had to do better. So I did. I attempted to shake it off and try harder. Stepping on that scale last night I was looking for validation of my effort…and I got it, kinda.
I lost, which is great. But I did not lose a lot, or even the amount that I gained the previous week. In my mind this equates to failure. And thus those thoughts of “what’s the point” and “why do I even bother” came flooding in. I wallowed in that for a few hours. Allowed myself to be upset and let the frustration in. But then, well then I read Sarah’s blog post. Although she clearly has a lot more going on then I do I relate to the same challenges she faces and wanting so badly to conquer this battle while continually feeling like we are falling short.
The facts remain that I refuse to go backwards. I refuse to give up on myself and let my struggles control my happiness, my self worth, and my life. So despite the fact that the weight is not falling off as quickly this time around and that the program takes a lot of time and effort I am not quitting. Because I know it works and I choose this hard.